LauraLynn Jansen

#9 REGRET

#9 REGRET “I wish I’d learned
to play an instrument.
There’s a piano in the Charlotte,
North Carolina airport, right
near the food court. Random
people sit down and play and
fill the airport with music. I
always wish I could just sit down
at that piano and start playing.”
– newest Top Chef, Food & Wine

When I saw this at 1st I thought I would LOVE to do the same thing! I have noticed that piano and had the same exact desire. However, I only know how to play the flute and French horn and have been trying to learn guitar without commitment for almost five years.

On 2nd read I thought why can’t he still do it?

Then on the 3rd look over I went more slowly and saw the first word for the first time, R.E.G.R.E.T in big caps.

I paused to think about the role of REGRET in my own life. And after taking a flash inventory of my heart and soul I came back with “I’m good.” It was very reassuring. I also noted how glad I am for going full force after my current goals – getting my book out and training for a sprint triathlon.

The book is being written (at the editor now) for the sake of hopefully getting out a story to support others along their path. I hope they may amongst my many personal challenges and victories find something advantageous to get them through their own current situation. Writing it has been a major process of almost seven years now. I am nervous about it on many levels. What will my family think? There are things I have never told them. How will my parents react to me telling my memories of moments in our history together? What will it be like to have so much of myself out there for the world to see? Believe it or not I am quite an introvert. And then after I put all the worries out I come back to why I am writing it so others may find a safe haven, feel less alone or just get a shot of inspiration. And I can breathe again.

The second, the tri, is mostly to prove to myself what I am capable of despite the gremlin voices that like to pop up and hang on with nasty little claws as they spout out about my physical in-capabilities. This morning I am off to conquer one of those by getting into the pool for the second time since I moved to Florida. It was rough this last Wednesday. My breathing was all over the place. The good thing was I didn’t want to look like a complete inept in front of all the incredible swimmers there that morning. So I just got right in the water with no time to let my fears of the deep grab me. It was my small victory for the day. Wish me luck for today!

Posted in Blog, book, Food Wine, regret, swimming, Top Chef, triathlon on July 1, 2011.

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